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marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than u so they wont eat all of urs

(via peanutbutterandmarshmallowsquash)


i want to sleep for 2 years and wake up with a degree, an apartment and money in the bank.

(via jimmy-carrs-laugh)


I once had a drunk guy tell me I was too sexy to be shooting up at a party. He knocked the needle out of my hands and stepped on the pen, shattering the casing, telling me I should thank him by giving him my number and a kiss. It was my diabetes medicine.

(submitted by anonymous)

(via sideb00b)


a movie in which all the main characters are unknown actors but all the background characters are really famous actors

(Source: vidonias, via peanutbutterandmarshmallowsquash)


Me: * whines about the many things I have to do that’ll take hours 

Me: * eats in bed all day as I whine

(via joshpeck)